i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
