STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize