Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
