You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
