there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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