Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
