Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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