i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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