using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i believe in u and ur pee
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
