I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
