If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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