After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
