its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
