You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
