Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
