I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
