drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
