I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
