I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
