Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
do herpes really smell.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
