omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Randomize
