Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
