i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
