I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
When did angry sex become our thing?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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