dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
