For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Randomize