well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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