Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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