I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
This house was built for laser tag.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
