is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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