Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
