Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
