Your face is a jimmy john
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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