so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
