I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
