I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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