No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
