I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
