I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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