You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
