I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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