Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
