So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
