I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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