i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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