I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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