From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
