it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
