Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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