There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
