I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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