his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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