i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just want to make out with him forever
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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