thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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