ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I am spending my child support on dildos
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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