I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
