i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
