my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
