This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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