And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
