I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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