i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
