remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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