Michael Bay diarrhea
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
being pregnant is like rehab
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
