Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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