Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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