omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
