Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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