in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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