we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
