my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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